After The Bubbly Has a New Home

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Are You Still Here?

We have moved to www.afterthebubbly.com.

Please come by and subscribe so you never miss another post.

Pass the Bubbly: Will You Survive Summer Vacation?

I'm totally ready for summer vacation. In the words of a wise woman - I will survive. I think. But when I get stuck, I'll know I'm not alone.

• Denae's real life was backordered, so she's enjoying this one. I'm linking to her summer vacation quiz *mostly* because I really like Mormons (and Baptists) who talk about drinking tequila and popping Valium. That's funny.
• Need out? Lesley Stern helps us all learn how to live it up for less. With pictures. Who says you can't afford a vacation this year?
• How this woman has enough wits about her to be witty I'll never know. Will she survive summer with triplets plus one? Her kids will be entertained at least:
  
  "Let's play paper dolls and make new clothes for them and cut a trillion tiny pieces of paper and leave them all over the floor."

How will you survive? We're all dying to know!

NOTE: This post is also available on the NEW blog: www.afterthebubbly.com. Go over there right now and subscribe!

The Latest in Childcare

Here's the latest in childcare. Save money. Enjoy life.



Thanks to the friend and reader who sent me this, and thanks to the Onion for twisted humor.

NOTE: This post is also available on my NEW blog: www.afterthebubbly.com. Please go over there and subscribe right now!

New Blog is Live!

There are still a few kinks to work out, but the new blog is live at: www.afterthebubbly.com

Feel free to pop on over and subscribe to the new and improved bubbliness!

Sucky Parenting Advice

Last weekend we put a wood floor in the office. (And by we, I mean my husband and children because I had really important other things to do such as swoop up some new Yellow Box flip flops on sale.) But anyway....

My role was organizing and rebuilding the office, better, stronger than it was before. In the process of clearing out everything and starting over from scratch, I decided to go through the bookshelves with a judgmental eye. No keeping books just for books' sake. Here are a few of the titles that didn't make the cut:

• Dr. Sears' Discipline Book - Because not once in that whole thing does he advocate beating with a stick. AND he claims threats and bribery are "bad". Whatevs Dr. Sears.
  
  
• Power of 10 - This book claimed it could whip me into the top shape of my life in 20 minutes a week. Somehow those promises never materialized as thinner thighs.
  
  
• The Pacific Northwest Camping Guide, 1994-1995 edition - In case I what? Travel back in time? While this one didn't make it, the complete guide to bicycling the San Juan islands did. You never know.

And my personal favorite: Life's Little Treasure Book On Parenting. What a crock this little gem is. Here's a sample of its wisdom of the ages:

• Plant a tree the day your child is born.
  And when you're done with that, get your lazy ass in the kitchen and make me some pie!
  
• Remember the three universal healers: Calamine lotion, warm oatmeal, and hugs.
  I thought they were vodka, gin, and tequila?
  
  
• Don't brag about one of your children in the presence of another.
  How else are you supposed to get them to vie for your love and attention?
  
  
• Never say anything uncomplimentary about your spouse in front of the children.
  Oops.
  
  
• Never buy a child a drum.
  Unless that child belongs to a sibling or an in-law with whom you have unresolved anger issues.

Free books. On my front steps. Yours for the taking.

Pass the Bubbly: What do Kate Gosselin, Gene Rayburn, and Metallica Have in Common?

Okay - Kate Gosselin, Gene Rayburn, and Metallica have nothing in common other than being included in this edition of Pass the Bubbly. That's what we're calling these link posts from now on. So if you know of any funny people who need some bubbly links, let me know.

• Wendi Aarons totally agrees with me on the whole Kate Gosselin hair thing. And she's having six more kids to get hotter. Plus, she has a new website and we love her so please check her out here: http://wendiaarons.com/.
  
• I just found Citizen of the Month. In this post he ponders the ever evolving etiquette of meeting in public.
  
• Boob, Injuries, and Dr. Pepper has me terrified of summer vacation already.
  
• Anyone who admits to a crush on Gene Rayburn deserves our attention.
  
• YesButNotYes found Legos rocking out to Metallica. Make sure you watch until the end - otherwise you'll miss the mosh pit.

I hope you enjoy, and if you can find any other connections between Kate, Ray, and the boys of speed metal, please share.

Top 5 Reasons Swine Flu is More Fun to Follow Than Sports

I'm having a lot more fun tracking the spread of the swine flu than I ever have following sports. Maybe it's because I've never actually been any good at sports, but I'm okay at getting sick once in a while. Or maybe it's because H1N1 crushes sports for pure entertainment value.

I submit to you the Top 5 Reasons:

1. Swine Flu is Easy
Unlike following sports, you don't really need to know what's going on in order to make sense of flu stats. You just log on to the CDC site and watch the numbers grow.

2. Swine Flu is Inclusive
Like sports, there's nothing you can do that will impact the outcome of the flu's progression. However, at least with the flu there's actually a good chance you will actually participate.

3. Swine Flu is Big Money
Sports is big money too, but flu has greater potential. Think Tamiflu sponsorship placcards on school busses and those leisure coaches old people travel around in. Plus, I'm betting there's plenty of betting based on the H1N1 numbers.

4. Swine Flu is Easy to Armchair Quarterback
With sports you actually have to know what's going on to make any kind of intelligent criticism. Flu is significantly easier to comment on. Three words: wash, your, hands.

5. Swine Flu Comes with a Cheaper Buzz and Fewer Side Effects
You can't follow sports without beer and the good stuff'll cost you. Germex, the swine flu fan's intoxicant of choice, can be picked up for a few bucks at Walgreen's. And there's hardly any hangover.

How to Crate Train a Child

Crate training children: wacky new parenting philosophy or a helpful and overdue tool in the war against spoiled rotten children? It's not hard to think of the many good reasons to crate train a child. Potty training comes to mind, as well as making travel easier. In addition, it's much easier to manage teenagers who have been crate trained.

What are the Benefits of Crate Training?
Our parents' generation got it almost right with playpens, but crates are easier to transport and, more importantly, extremely restrictive. Despite their confining nature, children can learn to love a crate just as they would their own bedroom. The crate becomes a familiar and secure place that is also mobile. Whether you need to take your darling on a long car ride, stay at a motel, or perhaps just out go for the evening, you can rest assured that your crate-trained child will be safe and contained.

Crate Placement at Home
Place the crate in an area where the child may be with you, or at least observe you at close range. Do not put the crate in an attic, basement, or other secluded portion of the house as the child will only cry incessantly and therefore negate the benefits of crate training. The kitchen or family room is an ideal location. At night you can place the crate in the child's bedroom, or, if you are crate training as a cost saving measure so that you do not have to upgrade to a larger home, just leave it in the kitchen. If you are particularly attached to your offspring, put the crate in your own bedroom.

Potty Training the Crate Trained Child
A key principle of crate training is to teach your child that you don't mess where you sleep and eat. While human children do not naturally possess this instinct, consistent crate training will eliminate the need for agonizing potty training later. Every time the child goes in his diaper, just put him in the crate. He'll get the message soon enough. Remember, children should never be given free reign of the house because they will end up impossible to train, potty or otherwise.

Crate Discipline
If your child whines or complains while in the crate, administer the appropriate admonition. Never, under any circumstances take a child out of a crate when he is fussing. That only rewards and reinforces bad behavior. You may want to give your child a special toy or treat just for when he is in the crate. Something Benadryl-filled works well.

Crate training may seem extreme, but I predict it'll catch on quick. Please share your success stories and helpful tips in the comments below.


Something tells me this is nothing like what the folks at Parent Bloggers had in mind for this post. For traditional potty training, try something like Pull-Ups.

Early Evidence That I Would Prefer Adam Lambert to Kris Allen

At the risk of severely pissing off everyone in my adopted homeland of Arkansas, I have to say that in the few episodes of American Idol I caught, I preferred Adam Lambert to Kris Allen. Kris was great. He's the kind of guy you want living next door, but Adam is the rockstar. Okay maybe not *rock* rockstar, but he's a star for sure. Something about that look of his...

Spring Tolo, 1986

Prom, 1987

Prom, 1988

So... Kris, there's a house on my street for sale. And Adam, call me.